Kitchen Disasters
by Musicgirl xxx
Summary: For the world's mightiest heroes, they sure are dangerous when they are let loose in the kitchen.
1. Thor

_Singed hair ... or how Thor ended up blowing up the kitchen_

They really should have known something was going to happen when Thor took Mjolnir with him to the kitchen, or when they heard the shouts, or when they heard sparking appliances. Really, they should have gone and done something about it but the Avengers were having a day off and they figured, how bad could it get?

Bad question.

For once, and only once as his ego was already big enough to stop him getting through doorways and could explode at any moment, they thanked God that Tony had had the forethought to assign Dummy to kitchen duty. The robot was to do whatever he felt needed to be done to prevent an even bigger catastrophe than had already happened. The little robot was delighted to have a job and set about doing all he could to prevent kitchen disasters.

At first, however, he seemed to create more of its own that it stopped. Steve had tripped over him whilst holding coffee and split it everywhere causing Thor to slip when coming in and leave a Thor shaped, so very large, dent in the wall the other side of the room that Tony still hadn't gotten around to having fixed. Thankfully, both being either a supersoldier or basically a god, neither were harmed in the process and the spilled coffee was cleaned up before any more harm could be done.

Natasha and Clint had nearly maimed, beheaded or inflicted various other methods of damage or destruction on the robot when they hadn't seen him behind a counter and were surprised by him. Whilst they managed to avoid actually hitting the robot, knowing that Tony wouldn't be happy with them if they did, they almost hit the billionaire himself when he walked into the firing line of a last minute deflected knife. His hair has been slightly shorter on top than usual for a while and he sent glares to the assassins every time he came across them for weeks later.

Tony himself had narrowly avoided a nasty concussion when, in his sleep deprived state, he had tripped over the stationary robot which had been in plain view. It was by sheer luck alone that his head had missed the counter by mere inches and that he had only knocked his head slightly on the floor. He grumbled about the headache for hours, though, and gave Dummy wounded glances making the robot whir sadly if that was even possible for a robot.

Bruce had been the closest to destruction when it turned out that the Hulk found the noise of Dummy following Bruce around the kitchen in case he should need assistance exceedingly irritating. The doctor had retreated to his lab at a startling rate and hadn't emerged for many hours but there had been no roars or sounds of things breaking so everyone assumed that a hulk out had been avoided.

Considering Dummy's lack of help and more hinderance than anything else so far, for the Avengers to be saying that they were glad the robot was there meant that he must have redeemed himself. And redeem himself he had.

See, Thor was rather addicted to poptarts. It was an addiction that had started in New Mexico and one that he still had now. It could even be said that it had gotten worse since then as he had been back on Asgard and they didn't have anything of the sort so he craved them now more than ever.

He had been perfectly happy, initially, eating them as they were, straight out of the box. Then, one day, Tony decided that he was going to have one so he put it in the toaster. Thor had sat there in bemusement, watching and wondering why the Man of Iron had put a precious poptarts into the metal machine. Deciding he wasn't going to get his answer just sitting there, he asked as much and Tony, rather than reply, put one on for Thor as well.

Thor had been delighted by the warm poptart and had demanded another immediately. Tony had protested that he wasn't his servant, which Thor had readily agreed with, but made him another anyway before wandering off. Thor had then noticed the different cooking options on the packet and had been absorbed in reading them, wondering what other ways there were of consuming his delicious treat.

Up until today, however, someone had always been around to make Thor his poptarts so he had never had to figure out how to use a toaster on his own. Today though, all of the Avengers seemed busy relaxing and Thor didn't want to disturb the peace they finally had so he decided to make them for himself.

He got the packet out of the cupboard and followed what he had seen other people do when they made them. He sat down to wait but after the allotted time, nothing happened. Thor waited a while longer but when nothing happened,he started to get enraged. How dare this metal contraption not release his poptarts. Why was it holding them to ransom?

Try as he might, Thor couldn't work out how to get them out so he did the next best thing in his mind, he summoned Mjolnir, which he had brought to the kitchen with him for some inexplicable reason, and smashed the metal contraption to pieces. Unfortunately, that also meant smashing his precious poptarts to pieces, something he only found out after he did so.

Not dishearted, however, Thor decided to try the microwave.

The next thing the other Avengers knew, there was a loud voice shouting and, they assumed, cursing rather loudly however it was in a language that not even the spies knew between them which meant, chances were, it was some language from Asgard. There was also a rather large explosion, the magnitude ranking with those Bruce and Tony managed to create in the lab, and fire alarms going off.

They all grabbed the nearest thing to the that could be considered a weapon. Steve grabbed his shield that had been under his chair for some reason, Bruce just took off his glasses knowing he didn't need to be armed, the spies drew various weapons from about their person, more than any of the others knew it was possible to conceal, until they were armed to the teeth and Tony picked up a mean looking candlestick. At odd looks from the others, he shrugged. He could always get JARVIS to send the suit to him if necessary anyway but JARVIS hadn't warned them of any enemies in the building so he figured he was safe enough.

He also really didn't want to admit that he had kind of been scared and forgotten about his suit so grabbed what he considered the next best thing on impulse. It would be kind of weird if an Avenger was known to arm themselves with a candlestick to face a possible enemy. He could only think of the ridicule and the nicknames he would get. What he didn't know was his facial expressions had given it away and he was in for the ridicule later after they had dealt with whatever was going on in the kitchen.

Rapidly, but quietly, they made their way to the kitchen but none of them had been prepared for what confronted them.

The kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it. There was pieces of metal and appliance everywhere, smouldered wooden cabinets and some splattered red liquid everywhere. Everyone looked worried at that and thought that it may be blood. Tony, however, got closer to it, sniffed it and then proceeded to taste a little bit.

"God, really Stark?!" Natasha exclaimed. "That could be anything and the first thing you do is smell it and then taste it? Are you an idiot? Actually don't answer that."

"But it's strawberry jam," Stark said as the others just rolled their eyes and ignored the billionaire.

It was then that they noticed the foam from the fire extinguisher all over the room and what looked like a large statue covered in foam until it began to move. From under the foam mountain, Thor began to emerge and, though his face was now clear of foam, the rest of his head was completely covered. Dummy emerged from behind the counter looking pleased with himself, if that was possible for a robot, and wielding an empty fire extinguisher.

"What happened Thor?" Steve asked, in full Captain mode, assessing the damage and any danger.

"I was preparing myself a snack of the delicious poptarts when the metal contraption you call a toaster refused to relinquish my poptarts so I showed it the wrath of the son of Odin with Mjolnir but my poptarts didn't survive." Thor sounded very dramatic through the whole thing.

"I then decided to use the microwave instead." There was a collective wince at that, knowing it hadn't gone well and dreading what he could have done. "I read on the packet that the jam of strawberries went well with it so I found a jar in the cupboard and put it in the microwave as well as the box of my poptarts. I pressed the button labelled start and then it exploded. Everything was on fire and then your little robot friend helped my by putting out the fire. I do apologise Man of Iron. It appears I have yet to get used to Midgardian technology." Thor concluded with a sad look towards the poptart splattered, singed walls and the general destruction he had unwittingly caused.

The other Avengers were rather in awe at the sheer amount of damage Thor had managed to cause just in the quest for his poptarts. The kitchen wasn't salvageable really and Tony realised he would be better off ripping everything out and starting again.

Natasha was the first one to notice something else though. She could see what looked like the charred remains of blonde hair on the floor and quickly pushed the Thunder God over to the kitchen sink which was relatively unharmed all things considered. She pushed his head back into the sink and started to wash away the foam, dirt and mess.

The sight that greeted them underneath was one that shocked them all. Thor's usually long golden locks were singed and burnt and now finished at the length Natasha's had been when they had first met, although it was longer now, and was even shorter in some parts.

Thor looked confused at the attention so Natasha wordlessly handed him a mirror she had produced from goodness knows where. Thor's abject horror at the loss of the majority of the length of his hair was almost too much for Tony and Clint and they had to turn away slightly to hide their laughter, earning them a disapproving look from Steve who seemed to have a much better control over himself.

Natasha ushered him out of the kitchen and to the bathroom on her floor where she had some hairdressers scissors and other tools. She had been cutting Clint's hair since she went undercover as a hairdresser several years back so she knew what she was doing. The other Avengers found themselves waiting in her room outside her bathroom to see Thor emerge.

It was going on for half an hour later when he finally did and the others had nearly fallen asleep at that point. They were shocked once again at what they saw when he did emerge. Thor looked sheepish and embarrassed as he ran a hand through his significantly shorter and spiked hair, much like the length of that of the other Avengers.

Natasha must have been able to convince him that it would look better like that as there was a lot of hair on her floor but then again it had been a mess of burnt strands before so it looked better now.

Natasha had been right though, as Thor looked much better with his hair like that than the mid length it would have been. It made him look younger than before, they decided, as they clapped him on the back and left Natasha's suite.

Thor hesitated on his way to leave, still unconsciously running his hands though his short hair.

"Are you sure it looks alright Lady Natasha?" he asked.

"It looks great Thor," she replied. "I think you made the right decision to just have it shorter."

He smiled at that, a little more confident than before, and left her suite. Now she just had to clear up all the hair that was all over her bathroom floor.

Thor was banned from using any appliances in the kitchen from then on.

* * *

 **I imagine Thor's short hair to be like Chris Hemsworth's short hair. I liked the idea of Natasha picking up other skills on jobs so I may write another story about that in the future. No Thor/Natasha relationship, just a friend helping a friend. The next chapters wont be as long as this one but I hope you still keep reading! Please!**

 **I don't know if anyone saw it but there was a little sneak peek of this story on Instagram. My username is musicgirl_x. There may be more little sneak peeks in the future if you want to follow me.**

 **Unbeta'd so I hope there isn't too many mistakes.**


	2. Bruce

_Not the kitchen again! ... or how Bruce manages to speed up the onset of Tony's inevitable mental breakdown_

The next incident in the kitchen had been entirely unexpected, preventable and would have been labelled an overreaction if they weren't completely and totally terrified of the reaction of a certain green comrade of theirs.

The kitchen had been fully repaired since the last incident with Thor and there had been nothing wrong for a while which had allowed the Avengers to relax again, thinking that maybe they were all going to be ok and live harmoniously with the kitchen remaining intact. They should have known that the instant they even began to think like that that something would go wrong somehow or other but they were attempting to be optimistic, Pepper had gotten fed up of the cynicism from the team and had ordered a weekly optimism day under fear of telling Fury to assign them a live-in babysitter for their troubles.

It hadn't gone down well to say the least but they were all too aware that Pepper would carry out her threats if pushed and so dealt with it. On the plus side, there had been less Hulk outs recently so they wondered if there was any correlation.

Anyway, the peace and quiet had lulled them into a false sense of security, so much so that when they heard the crashing and banging coming from the kitchen, they jumped out of their skins before checking to see where Thor was.

He looked innocent when all eyes turned to him and found him sat innocuously on the couch. Even though they wouldn't put it past him to be able to do so, they figured that this wasn't the result of him and so headed to the kitchen with caution, armed as they had been last time with Thor having picked up Mjolnir from where it had been resting on top of Tony's magazines to annoy him. How Clint had tricked Thor into doing that, they didn't know and they were a little scared to find out. Tony had just sulked, too proud to actually ask Thor to remove his hammer as the thunderer still found it very amusing that none of the Avengers seemed to be able to lift it themselves.

When they realised that the only person who was not present at that very moment was Bruce, well, they proceeded with even more caution and hoped that the Hulk was feeling in a good mood today. They were surprised, however, when they entered the kitchen to find a partially naked Bruce sat in the middle of a mostly destroyed kitchen, not even the sink had escaped this time and was in several pieces, one of which was embedded into the ceiling. No one asked.

Bruce looked sheepish when he saw his fellow Avengers and they were pretty confident that it wasn't even his state of undress that had gotten him so embarrassed this time, although it seemed to play some part. Steve tossed him a blanket from the back of the couch to protect his modesty so that they could get to the bottom of what on earth had happened and implement a strategy to prevent the reoccurrence of such an event in the future. In short terms, basically work out what made the Hulk angry and make sure it never happened again.

Bruce shifted awkwardly under their gazes and tried to look anywhere but meet their eyes under the pretense of surveying the damage that had been caused presumably by his large green alter ego. The others weren't going to let it go that easily, however and kept up with the stares until Bruce finally cracked and started talking.

"So you know that Pepper had implemented this optimism thing so that we are all more positive and less cynical all of the time because she was fed up of being surrounded by negativity?"

At the nods he continued.

"Well it turns out that the Other Guy isn't really that positive of a person and he was starting to get annoyed by all the positive stuff but he didn't want to upset Pepper. I've been trying to find extra ways to de-stress and I've found that one thing that really helps is a good cup of tea."

Tony interrupted at that point. He had never been known for his patience or his subtlety, a fact which he displayed well with his next sentence.

"Ok, ok, we get it. Hulk is a negative person. How does this end up with my kitchen ruined AGAIN and you without your trousers?"

"We ran out of tea," was Bruce's plain response.

Silence greeted his statement in which he began to shuffle awkwardly from foot to foot, uncomfortable under all the attention.

"So..." Tony began. "Let me get this straight. You hulked out because there was no more tea left?"

"Um... yes?"

Tony seemed to be unable to form words, his mouth opening and closing frantically but no sounds emerging, making him look very much like a fish. He then groaned and stomped off muttering something about calling Pepper and picking a new kitchen.

Pepper had not been impressed when she had found out about the destruction of yet another kitchen and she began to wonder what she had done to deserve this as she begun yet another round of phone calls to see who would be able to come and refit the kitchen again as soon as possible. Maybe it would just be easier for Tony to buy a kitchen business if things continued at this rate, she thought.

Pepper also changed her mind on Optimism Mondays. If it prevented another Hulk out and the ensuing damage and chaos that ultimately she had to fix, well, she could deal with the startling levels of negativity and doom and gloom. Anything that meant less paperwork...

A monthly bulk order of tea was placed as well to ensure that there would never be a tea shortage in the tower again and the other Avengers resumed a long forgotten search for a person who was brave enough to give anger management classes to a man whose alter ego was the Hulk. Needless to say they weren't counting their chickens but they figured it was worth a try for the sake of Tony's sanity and the safety of his Tower and its occupants.

* * *

 **Hope you liked it. I could see Pepper getting fed up of negativity and issues that all of the Avengers have and trying to make them be positive and the Hulk not being impressed with that. Please review! Unbeta'd so sorry for any and all mistakes (I type this so often I should just make it my signature or something!).**


	3. Tony

_Big boom ... or what happens when Tony is sleep deprived and hungry_

It had taken a while, a very long while, but Tony had finally gotten over the destruction of his kitchen for the second time over a lack of tea. Bruce was just glad that Tony had stopped sending him wounded looks all the time and had stopped sulking. The man could be irritating at times when he was at his best but when he was like that, well, it took all of Bruce's patience and willpower to stop more destruction at the hands of the Other Guy when Tony tested his patience to the limit.

Everyone had been told to be more careful around the kitchen and everything had run smoothly for months to come which helped Tony's sanity and prevented him getting another earful from Pepper. Had had relaxed so much that he had stopped patrolling the kitchen at odd times and gone back to his long sleepless stints in his lab. He was obviously trying to make up for lost time as the other Avengers had seen Pepper dragging him out of there many a time and insisting he ate something and slept. Normally, the billionaire was whining and protesting like a child who didn't want to go to sleep at bedtime which gave the other Avengers plenty of laughs and stuff to hold over Tony as a joke along with the candlestick jokes from when Thor had done his own spot of remodelling, I mean who thought a candlestick could stop whatever they had to face!

Pepper had had to go away on a business trip, however, and so couldn't keep an eye on Tony and he didn't listen to the other Avengers enough for them to take Pepper's role. Well, that wasn't true, he was still terrified enough of Natasha to listen to her but she wasn't going to chase her ex-boss around as she had just gotten back off a mission and was trying to sleep off the injuries and exhaustion. For that reason, JARVIS was in charge of making sure Tony ate and slept and generally was kept alive until Pepper got back to the Tower to take over again.

JARVIS did his best but, without a solid body or form to actually manhandle the billionaire out of the lab, there was only so much that he could do without calling on the other Avengers in the building and he didn't want to do that if he didn't have to. Tony did end up having to leave the lab after falling asleep while tinkering with one of his creations though, although it wasn't to sleep. He felt refreshed after his little nap but his stomach wasn't going to be ignored for any longer, forcing him into going to seek out some food as he had no more left in the lab with him.

Not wanting to leave his latest project for long, he decided, in his rather sleep deprived state, that the best idea was to take object with him. If he had been thinking straight, he might have realised that his slightly unstable invention would pose a risk to his precious kitchen but his brain was filled completely with equations and modifications and no other coherent thoughts were able to be crammed in.

Grabbing the nearest easy food, sugary cereal that Thor loved, Tony dug in, eating it dry whilst he contemplated the object in front of him. There were plenty of tests that he needed to carry out upon it, he wasn't quite sure what it actually was at the moment, and, in his addled mind, now was a good a time as any to start the tests. First on the list was fireproofing. And what better to use than the blowtorch that was in the kitchen for some reason. Tony didn't think anyone had ever used it, he certainly hadn't anyway.

Grabbing a frying pan to put it in, god forbid if he burned his surfaces, he began to test it. That was when it all went wrong.

The other Avengers were a bit worried. Pepper had told them that she was going to be away for a bit and to keep an eye on Tony for her, even if she had asked JARVIS to as well, and they had agreed. Without supervision goodness only knows what they billionaire would get up to and they wanted the Tower to remain standing and the man himself to stay alive.

Clint, Steve, Bruce and Thor, Natasha was still sleeping off her mission, were all collected in the training rooms. They hadn't seen Tony for over 36 hours and they were beginning to wonder what he was doing and whether he needed to be coerced into sleeping and eating. Last time Bruce had looked into Tony's lab on his way past, he had been in there but Bruce hadn't been able to see what he was doing at that point.

They had asked JARVIS where Tony was and when he had last slept and eaten and were surprised by what they had been told. Even if it had only been a nap, they were pleased that Tony had gotten some sleep and that it appeared he was now eating something. They thought that they would go and join him in the kitchen, maybe they would be able to persuade Tony to get some more sleep then.

They were just heading up to the kitchen via the stairs, Thor was still a little wary of the elevator, when a explosion shook the floor beneath them. They looked at each other in alarm. The explosion had felt like it was coming from the kitchen! They broke into a run, meeting up with a tired and bruised looking Tasha who was armed and ready to fight, even if it was just to kill the person who had woken her from the only decent sleep she'd had in three days then go back to bed.

The sight that greeted them when they got there nearly made Natasha use all of her various weapons, not at an unforeseen enemy that had infiltrated but at the billionaire who stood in the middle of the kitchen, blowtorch in hand and a shocked look on his face. The look she gave him before she stalked out and back to her bed promised months of torture to come, Pepper would be rather upset if she actually did kill the billionaire before Pepper herself got a chance at him, and the fact that Pepper was most definitely going to hear about this one and that he was on his own there. Oh he was screwed!

The other Avengers just stared, not sure if they were to believe that Tony had actually been the one to blow up his precious kitchen that he had spent so long protecting and holding grudges over. He was never going to hear the end of this one. Tony was looking very scorched and surprised at the situation in front of him, a sure sign that he needed sleep and probably shouldn't have been working unsupervised, and the other Avengers had to hold in smirks at the sight of his face. Tony was going to blow a gasket, metaphorically but maybe also literally, with Tony you never knew, when he looked in a mirror as his little explosion had managed to scorch the entirety of his precious goatee off.

"Huh," Tony finally said. "Well that wasn't meant to happen ... I don't think?"

"What do you mean you don't think?" Steve questioned exasperatedly.

Just after, so Tony's sleep deprived brain could process it all, Bruce asked "Tony, what did you do?"

"Well, I was testing this ... I'm not actually sure what it is," he confessed, "... thing and then it just exploded. Maybe it was ..." he started muttering theories under his breath as he looked through the remnants, obviously not having noticed that he had destroyed his kitchen again yet. And was that a frying pan in the mess as well? Well, it may have been a frying pan before Tony and his experiment got to it but there was little resemblance left now in the mangled metal remains.

"This is what we have labs for, Tony," Bruce reminded his friend, barely managing to restrain himself from rolling his eyes as the other Avengers just about managed to resist face palming at the billionaire.

Deciding that, to save themselves from the wrath of Pepper upon her return, they better get the billionaire to his room before he could do any more damage to the tower, they got Thor to pick him up and carry him. Tony tried to protest but he was ignored by all of the others in favour of walking away.

He was quiet until they passed a reflective surface. The shout echoed around the whole tower of "MT GOATEE!" Steve and Bruce didn't laugh ... much. Clint, on the other hand, was much less controlled and rolled around on the floor laughing. That would teach the billionaire not to experiment in the kitchen again ... hopefully!

Tony was forbidden from experimenting in the kitchen again and forced to sleep more often to prevent sleep deprived creations from bringing the tower down. The genius was dangerous enough fully awake.

* * *

 **I could just see Tony get so caught up in his work that he just had to test his experiment, wherever he was. Pepper is going to be so angry with him! Hope you liked this one. Unbeta'd so sorry for any and all mistakes I have made.**


	4. Natasha

_Not the coffee maker! ... or why you never mess with Natasha's coffee_

Natasha wasn't one for explosions out of the battlefield. Even in her work she preferred to be silent and deadly rather than drawing attention to herself. She was good at causing damage but she never seemed to do it unnecessarily out of the training room or unless Tony had annoyed her. For those reasons, they figured she was fairly safe in the kitchen. She had proved she could cook and she seemed to have the most common sense out of all of them so they figured that the kitchen would be most safe around her.

Tony had repaired the counter since his little escapade and had since lost the right to complain about the damage cause to his kitchen. Pepper had given him an earful when she had gotten back but she knew that Natasha's prospect of payback was worse than anything she could do. Natasha was keeping the fear going by being abnormally nice and kind to the billionaire, leaving him paranoid and watching over his shoulder all the time. Everyone had learned their lesson though, never interrupt the assassin's recovery period. She didn't need one often but, when she did, she was left well alone.

Natasha had recovered from her previous mission, though, and was enjoying having some time off and being able to relax and train in the tower. The others were getting used to being crept up on by the silent assassin and seeing her relaxing around the tower. One thing they learnt about her was that she was either up really early or she slept in late. Yes, the trained assassin enjoyed lay ins in a place where she felt safe and so she kept some odd hours in the tower. This often ended up with her in the kitchen on her own, eating or drinking.

When she had just woken up, Natasha really didn't want to have to deal with anything and everything had be simple and easy if they didn't want to be thrown across a room. The main problem for Natasha was Tony's love of inventing and technology. For him, everything had to be bigger and better and more complicated, more incorporated technology and more functions. Everything had to cater to everyone's every want and need, even if you didn't know you needed it.

Normally, Natasha was well versed in dealing and manoeuvring all the different technologies and problems they caused, she had worked for him undercover for long enough to be used to it, but when she was tired and still waking up, well, it was a totally different story.

Natasha was back to normal and totally awake after her morning cup of coffee, black and no sugar, nice and strong, but Tony being Tony had addled with the coffee maker. Somehow, he had messed with the one on her personal floor as well so she headed down to the one on the common floor instead in the hope that someone would be there to make it for her so she didn't have to battle it alone.

It often worked for Natasha, as Clint would never say no to her, especially in that state, and Steve always wanted to help, even if he struggled a little with the technology as well. Natasha was sure Tony found her struggle amusing and just programmed the machine to be more difficult and annoying to her but she didn't have any proof yet and she wasn't going to give up and let the billionaire win.

Today, though, the spy was at the end of her tether. She had just completed a very tiring and frustrating mission and had gotten back only a few hours ago. She had been hoping to sleep for a very long time but for some reason after only a couple of hours of sleep, she was awake and unable to fall back asleep again in the warmth of her bed. Whilst she was awake, this didn't mean that she was completely functioning and so, as she scrabbled towards the kitchen in the common floor, JARVIS anticipating her so as to aid her in her pre-coffee struggle, she hoped there would be someone there.

Tony exited his lab after the need for coffee had grow too great for him to ignore and he found that there was none left within his lab. Cursing his lack of foresight in not stocking up enough, although he was sure there had been plenty last time he checked so that meant he must have drunk a worrying amount, he decided to make a trip the the common floor in the hope that someone had just made coffee. And if there was someone to tease there, well, all the better.

The first thing he noticed when he entered was the ex-Russian spy sat at the table sipping on a mug of what he assumed was coffee. The second thing he noticed was the large smirk on her face which caused shudders to run up his spine at what that could possibly mean and the chance that it could affect him.

The third thing he noticed was the large silver blade embedded in his precious, specially modified coffee maker. Well, that explained the smirk. Tony had known that the machine infuriated the spy, he had made it very complicated with plenty of settings, and, according to the spy, the machine never made her coffee right. It always tried to give her a fancy coffee when all she wanted was her plain, normal one.

Tony had just smirked before, finally having found a slight weakness in the spy, even if it was just after she had woken up, but now, he gaped, horrified, at his murdered technology. This was worse than destroying his kitchen, this was a personal attack on his technology, his invention, and he would ... actually, he wouldn't do anything as that smirk on her face was widening by the second and Tony was terrified of what she would do to him.

Deciding that now would be the time to bid a hasty retreat before the spy did the same thing to him that she did to his machine and that coffee could actually wait, Tony hightailed it out of the kitchen at an alarming rate to mourn the loss of his coffee maker in peace and relative safety.

Natasha was delighted to find a normal, simple coffe maker in the place of the old one the next morning, and it actually made her coffee perfectly. It survived.

Tony was banned from messing with the kitchen gadgets again. Natasha was left well alone. No one wanted to make the spy angry!

* * *

 **You never mess with Natasha's coffee, Tony should have known that! Unbeta'd so sorry for any and all mistakes.**


	5. Clint

_Rogue arrows ... or how Clint manages to cause simultaneous destruction in two different states entirely_

Clint Barton didn't tend to spend much time in the kitchen. He had adapted during his time with the circus and then as an assassin to know the wonders of take out and re-heatable meals that could just be put in the microwave. They saved him time and meant that he never had to learn any impressive cooking skills that he would seldom use. He just had to hope that the place he had been sent on a mission had a take out shop of some sort or else he would have to attempt to cook and that never ended well in his experience.

When he moved into Avengers tower he relished in the fact that plenty of the others had cooking skills that he could take advantage of meaning he never really had to do anything for himself cooking wise. Even if no one was cooking, there was usually plenty of leftovers he could steal and, if he had to, he could revert to the take out menus he had stashed away.

Natasha was always willing to cook for him anyway as she knew of his lack of skills and despised his awful eating habits. She introduced him to the food of Russia and made sure he was well fed when she could, hoping to keep him away from the greasy food he frequented when left to his own devices.

Sadly for Clint, no one seemed to want to cook today and Clint didn't want to bother anyone but he was very hungry, well, he was always hungry but he was particularly hungry right now, and so he figured he would have to fend for himself for the first time in what seemed like ages.

Thankfully for him, he had had the forethought to stock up the freezer with ready meals just in case of a situation like this one and so he was ready to sort out his hunger. Fancying pizza out of the limited options he had, he popped the pizza in the oven and set the timer and settings. Being Hawkeye, though, he couldn't just press the button to start the oven. No, that would be way too easy and definitely not enough fun. Instead, he retreated to the vents and waited until someone came into the kitchen for something.

Poor Tony was the next victim, sorry, person to come into the kitchen. When the arrow whizzed past his head and embedded in the button to start the oven causing it to start making noises, Tony squealed like a little girl. Clint found the whole thing very amusing, especially as he was in the vents and Tony couldn't get to him. Tony found it less amusing.

When there was only five minutes left on Clint's pizza, the Avengers received the call to assemble. With one last longing look to the oven with his pizza in, Clint left with instructions to JARVIS to turn off the oven once it was cooked.

The battle against the Doom bots was short and destructive. Doom always had an over inflated sense of his own worth and his inventions worth and was convinced that his latest inventions would stand the test of the Avengers. The Hulk proved him wrong immediately and the others didn't have to do much. Hawkeye set up on a building to take out any stragglers that Hulk missed.

When he spotted one, Clint figured that the best method of dispatching it quickly and efficiently was with one of his explosive arrows. Firing it so it embedded in the metal exterior, he pressed the button on his bow and watched with satisfaction as it exploded.

At exactly the same time, JARVIS tried to inform Tony of something. Tony brushed JARVIS off, saying that it could wait until after the battle and when they got back to the tower and focused instead on capturing Doom. If JARVIS could sigh and roll his eyes then he would be but he listened to his creator, knowing that he wouldn't listen.

The Avengers were done soon enough and on their way back to the tower leaving S.H.I.E.L.D to clear up the destruction in their wake. They had a short plane ride home but they were quite shocked at the sight that greeted them. There was a smoking mangled mess of metal left in the kitchen in the place where the oven used to be.

"JARVIS? What happened?" Tony asked, shocked.

"I did try and tell you sir," JARVIS spoke sounding exasperated if it was even possible for him. "I believe that when Agent Barton made his arrow to explode in your battle earlier, that it caused the arrow he fired earlier to explode as well. I can only assumed it was also an explosive arrow and that the signal from Agent Barton's bow reached the tower and sparked the explosion."

"You did this." Tony whirled around on Clint who seemed shocked that his bow signal could reach that far. He then seemed to realise that that meant that his pizza was also destroyed. He seemed more upset at that until he saw the look on Tony's face. He then decided that it may be best for him to disappear and stay out of reach for a long while where Tony couldn't kill him for literally pressing the button to blow up his kitchen again. Tony called Pepper.

Clint was still very hungry, though, but he knew that he wasn't really in anyone's good books at the moment and so he would have to sort out food for himself. Deciding that he would be safer out of the building, he headed out in search of food and hopefully away from any angry assassins or billionaires and disappointed super soldiers.

Clint was banned from using any type of arrows or bow in the kitchen or out of the training rooms in the tower unless there was some kind of threat. Clint avoided any contact with the other Avengers and Pepper for a week.

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 **This one is quite short so sorry about that. Hope you liked it. Unbeta'd so sorry for any and all mistakes there are.**

 **Sorry it has taken so long to update, life has been so busy. I appreciate every person who reads, favourites or reviews all of my stories! I have gone back through and edited and changed parts of the previous chapters so hopefully there are less mistakes now.**


	6. Pepper

_Unexpected explosions ... or how Steve is the only Avenger that doesn't cause irreparable damage in the kitchen_

Neither Pepper nor any of the Avengers could seem to work out what had gone wrong for the end result to be the sight in front of them. All of the Avengers figured that it was only a matter of time now before the kitchen ended up getting damaged yet again. It had happened five times already and they figured that that set a precedent for it to happen again. None of them were all too happy at the prospect but they couldn't deny the likelihood, even with all the new rules they had introduced to try and stop any repeat experiences.

They also expected the next person to make a mess of the kitchen to be Steve. He was the only one who hadn't done that yet and he also had problems with the technology in the kitchen, even if he was a surprisingly good cook. They had taken some measures to counteract the possible mess and mayhem that could happen. There were more fire extinguishers installed in the kitchen and everyone tended not to go in there alone so as to try and stop each other from doing anything wrong.

They had figured that letting Pepper in the kitchen, even alone, was safe however. It was Pepper for heavens sake! She was the most sane and normal of all of them and it was her tower after all so they had no right stopping her doing anything, they knew they wouldn't stand a chance anyway. She was a good cook as well and so they were quite happy to let her go and cook up a big evening meal when she offered. They had had another large battle that day and were all exhausted. They only wanted to eat and the sleep, preferably in that order but they didn't mind as long as they managed both, so they were quite happy for someone else to cook when Pepper decided she was.

Pepper, wanting to provide a good meal for them all having seen the effects of the battle on them, had been working away for about half an hour in the kitchen and the Avengers expected that the meal was probably nearly done so they started to get up. That was when the fire alarm went off and the bang was heard. Six pairs of eyes widened as the Avengers hurried towards the kitchen, grabbing the fire extinguishers that were handily placed along the way.

It was like an automatic response now just to douse the kitchen in foam in case, it had caused some annoyance when there hadn't been any need but everyone knew that when it was needed then the prompt response was often important considering the mess they tended to create, and they definitely needed it in this case. Pepper was found curled up under the counter, trying to avoid the flames that were lapping at all of the surfaces.

The Avengers set about putting out the few remaining flames that survived their initial use of the extinguishers while Steve stopped to help Pepper out from her hiding place as Tony was too busy surveying the damage and looking horrified to help his girlfriend. This was much worse than he imagined would happen, the oven was completely ruined, seemingly having exploded. Bits of shrapnel had travelled an alarming distance and were embedded in cupboards and walls, one even penetrating the sink and, much to Natasha's horror, the normal coffee maker. The fire, that seemed to have also originated in the oven hadn't been given long to explode but seeing as it was everywhere the best guess was that the shrapnel had been on fire and caused the extensive damage that could be seen. That thought had Tony distracted with the idea of a flaming shrapnel weapon. Everyone else was left wondering how a casserole, they guessed that was what it had been from the remnants splashed over the kitchen and the occasional scorched dumpling, there was one that was somehow stuck to the ceiling, could cause an explosion that bad however anything in the tower was possible, they knew after months of living there.

The kitchen was beyond patching up, it would have to be yet another full repair job, and Pepper was seriously considering the purchase of a kitchen furnisher now seeing the frequency of occurrence of the damage. She reached for her phone only to pause. She couldn't see her phone or even the charred remains of her phone anywhere and that made her think. She had been on the phone just before she put the casserole in the oven, she'd turned to check the time just as she put her phone down but she didn't see her phone after putting the dish in, she was sure it hadn't been on any of the surfaces. A sinking feeling grew in her stomach, would a phone cause an explosion of this magnitude? Seeing as no one realised and she doubted they would do the clean-up, she decided maybe that it would be better to not mention the possibility that she cooked her phone and that had been what had caused the spectacular explosion... After all, a mysteriously exploding casserole was certainly more interesting...and less embarrassing!

Just as Pepper reached this conclusion, the dumpling that had been attached to the ceiling promptly disattached and struck Tony rather hard on the head, the explosion having made it somehow rather like a small rock. This shook him from his reverie of weapon contemplation with a bump, quite literally, and the moaning and whining of the man-child billionaire brought everyone back to reality. Deciding that this was an appropriate time to raid Clint's stash of takeaway menus and leave the mess of the kitchen until they all had more energy and less bruises, everyone traipsed out of the kitchen into the lounge to await the delivery, which would be fast due to Tony using his influence to get speedy service.

On her way out, something caught Natasha's eye. Despite the destruction, in amongst the mess of the mangled oven there was a rather distinctive object. Grudgingly she had to give Stark props for his design, how the phone had survived that scale of explosion with so little damage she had no clue. A little smile passed across her face briefly, Pepper, for all her perfection, could be as destructive as the rest of them even if she didn't mean to and this was certainly more believable than the exploding casserole. Remembering Pepper's guilty expression and lack of a comment, Natasha decided to help her out, after all she'd always been kind to her. Picking up and wiping off the phone, Natasha slipped it into her pocket. No one ever had to know what happened, she'd make sure of that.

Much later, after all the food had been eaten and the Avengers retreated for sleep, Pepper found a box with a note on her desk. Opening the note warily she found it simply had the words 'I won't tell if you don't' written in the cursive script that she recognised as Natasha's. Slipping the lid off, Pepper found her missing, explosion causing phone nestled in there looking remarkably undamaged. She smiled. It was always nice to know that you had a dangerous spy on your side, especially when you lived the life that Pepper did, knowing the people she did.

Natasha stayed true to her promise, no one became any the wiser to what happened and Pepper had the kitchen cleaned up within a week, the new business acquisition helping majorly. There were many more kitchen disasters as time went on from everyone...everyone except Steve to the shock of everyone else. No one knew how he managed it but nothing exploded on his watch in the kitchen and he was often dragged in to supervise because of this. Everyone learnt to accept that kitchen disasters were just part of living with a group of people as interesting and bizarre as the Avengers.

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 **And that's the end! I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who has read this story, I know I'm not the best writer but I enjoy it and the support of everyone who reads, reviews or favourites my stories is so important to me. Thank you to everyone who has been so patient while I haven't been updating, I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. This is once again unbeta'd as all my work is so I apologise for any mistakes.**

 **A special thank you goes to _rings of purity_ , _Cap's Best Girl_ and _HistorianKate_ for reviewing this story for reviewing and making me smile reading the reviews.**

 **Hope you enjoyed it!**


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